Thursday 6 November 2014

THERE'S A MONSTER IN THE CELLAR. (POEM)



 “There’s a monster in the cellar.” Little Timmy said.
“Whenever I go down there, I know it wants me dead.”
“Shush now.” said his mother. “Don’t be daft you see.”
“There’s nothing in this house other than your dad, you and me”

But little Timmy watched and waited for his time,
He knew that one day soon that beast would cross that line.
“They’d fine me in a pile.” He said. “Just guts and blood and bone,
And then they’ll feel real sorry, for leaving me at home”.

“I’ll get that beast.” Smirked Timmy as he sat inside his room,
“I’ll make the damp dark cellar, into the beasties tomb”
So out he pulled some paper, and while sitting on his bed
did start to draw a master plan to make the monster dead.

So on one dull damp Sunday, little Timmy started on the trap,
Praying that the wee beastie would be taking a little nap.
He utilised the tools, he needed for the plan
And although he was afraid, he had to act the man.

Laying out the pins, at the top of cellar stairs,
Hoping to catch the monster as it came up, unawares.
Then with all the power tools that his father kept inside,
He set them in a pattern to ensure the creature died.

Felling rather smug he retired to his room.
Knowing that the beast would come hunting all too soon.
And he lay there on his bed, waiting for the wails
As the nasty beastie on the tools it did impale.

He needed not wait long, less than an hour of time did pass.
When from down below, a noise did come at last.
The screams and roars from downstairs made him cringe and feel quite sad.
For not the noise of beast did rise, but the wails of his dear dad.

No longer afraid of the beastie, he jump onto the floor,
listening to the anger that filter through his door.
Down the stairs he pelted, to see what he had done.
Facing his dear father as he stared back at his son.

“Why have you built this?” his mother did despair.
Forgetting about the dinner as she rushed to comb her hair.
“We must get him to the doctors”, she shouted on the run.
With images of the physician as she put her lipstick on.

Rushing to the car, a tea towel round his head.
Little Timmy feel real bad. He didn’t want his father dead.
Sitting very quietly as his mother drove along.
Knowing that his punishment would not be very long.

Once at the young doctors, he bandaged up his dad.
And he waited with his mother, feeling ashamed and very sad.
His plan was very simple, just to kill that dreadful beast
That lived deep in his cellar, waiting for a feast.

An hour of so did pass, until they drove back down their road
His mother looking angry, little Timmy she would scold.
But then she stopped so sudden that his dad did curse and Nash.
The fire brigade stood waiting, there house was turned to ash.

“Someone left the gas on” the fireman did declare.
“The explosion blew your roof off, thirty foot into the air.”
“We got her pretty quick, despite the dreary weather,
But why ever did you keep the bear inside your cellar”

Upon the fresh cut lawn lay the body of the beast.
Well some of what was left, its chest and arm at least.
Little Timmy felt quite proud of the vision he could see.
It’s soul may have gone to heaven, but its guts hung from the tree.

“I told you Mum, I told you” little Timmy did repeat
“That beast was down right nasty.” as his kicked around its feet
“If you hadn’t left the gas on, then my meat it would have picked”
“Eating up my body, and my bones it would have licked”

“I’m sorry” said his mother “that we didn’t really believe”
As she looked at all the bloodstains that had splattered the leaves.
“We really should have trusted you”, his father did declare
as a lump of meat fell, with a splat from out the air.

So now we have a new house, all sparkling and repaired.
They filled in the damp cellar, removing the creaky stairs.
I really should have mentioned that its brother lives here to
But I have a plan to get it; it’s hidden in the loo.

Sunday 31 August 2014

THE BURGER



No. 62 
THE BURGER.
By Ian Hawley


Rob put his tray on the table and sat down with a sigh. “I don’t like this seat. We can’t see outside.”
“It’s the cleanest table in here.” Farrah shrugged as she opened her burger and started to pick bits of gherkin out, dropping them onto the edge of the tray.
            “If you didn’t want Gherkin, you should have said.” Ian replied as he picked the piece up and put them on his. “I don’t know why you don’t like them to be honest. It’s just a pickle.”
            “It’s the same reason she doesn’t eat mushrooms, she thinks they’re slimy, like eating slugs.”
            “They are.” Farrah objected. “And I am sat right here you know.” She said as she continued to pick pieces of lettuce and onion from her food.
            “What did you get?” Rob asked, peering at the burger. “There’s a lot of cheese on that.”
            “It’s to disguise the flavour.” Ian smirked. “Processed cheese never changes.”
            “I had a dream about you guys last night.” Rob interrupted. “You ever get those dreams when you stuck in an old job you used to hate and you can’t figure out why you are still there?”
            “No.” Ian shook his head. “My dreams are usually about food.”
            “Explains a lot.” Farrah smiled as Ian threw a half cooked French Fry at her. “I don’t dream. Never have.”
            “Never!” Ian looked shocked, “You most probably do but don’t remember them then.”
            “No.” Farrah shook her head again. “Well, not for a...”
            “Excuse me. I was talking.” Rob interrupted, bringing the conversation back on his track. “It wasn’t open to general debate.” They both fell silent.
            “That’s better.” He grinned. “Anyway, I was stuck in my old job and I ended up killing my old boss.”
            “How?” Ian asked. “How did you kill them?”
            “Boredom?” Farrah suggested with a smirk.
            “No, I pushed him out of the window.” Rob chuckled. “Watched him fall to his doom from the fifth floor, what do you think that means?
            “Well, for me it means I’m not falling asleep near you.” Ian replied as he pushed more fries into his mouth.
            “Maybe you need a break” Farrah suggested. “Maybe you’re looking for something simpler out of life.”
            “You think?”
            “Don’t know really. I don’t dream, remember.”
            “If I was to kill my boss I’d poison there food.” Ian offered as he wiped ketchup from his chin. “Eat up Farrah.”
            “Na, I don’t want to finish this anyway. Even my drink is flat. I don’t know why we continue to come here.”
            “It’s because the front door is lockable and the windows haven’t been smashed in yet.” Ian replied. “And if you don’t like my cooking then you can do it next time.”
            There was banging on the doors downstairs and Rob pulled his bloodied machete from its sheath. “I told you I didn’t like not seeing outside.”
            “Come on then.” Farrah pushed the tray away from her. “There can’t be more than twenty zombies out there. That’s not really an issue.”
            “Yeah, I guess not. Same time next week?” Rob asked.
            “Sure.” Ian swung his baseball bat round as he warmed himself up. In the distance he could see more of the dead shuffling towards them. “Remember to limber up, a sprain could kill you.”
            “So could your cooking.” Farrah laughed as she led the way downstairs. “Last one to kill a zombie cooks next week.”

Sunday 17 August 2014

Dying Slowly

This was one of my first pieces.

---


I don’t know how long it’s been now. How long I have waited for it to be over? I was told it should be over in less than an hour, but that was three hours ago now, maybe more. Time seems to be working slowly here; maybe it’s the colour on the walls, or the lack of external sounds to stimulate me. There is no television, no pictures.
My breathing is slow now as my body started to give up, each breathe slowly marks the passage of time as my life drips away before me, each second feels like an hour, each hour like an eternity. There were six of us at the start but now it’s down to two, it’s just me and the fat man in the corner.
The first to go had been the old man with the stick. I guess we all figured he would be first though. His breathing sounded harsh and rough when he arrived and it would have been painful to watch him for long. We were not wrong thank god. After that it had been random, one by one they left us. Each one seemed to make time slow even further after they’d gone.
 I slowly turn my head to look at the fat man. I don’t even know his name, it doesn’t seem worth starting a conversation now, it’s not like we are going to become best friends. He doesn’t look at me anyway, he is oblivious to me, locked in his own world and I watch him as his chest moves rhythmically up and down; he’s still alive at least.
There’s a deep sadness behind his eyes. They are full of regret as he thinks of things that still need to be finished, or of thing that he should have done. It seems pointless to worry about them now, not here, but I find myself starting to list the things myself. I know it’s pointless but it passes the time, it’s better than nothing.
What things have I left half done? What jobs have I started that I really should have finished? The door of the garden shed spring to mind, it still wobbles and I think the top hinge had rusted away. I guess my son will repair it. Maybe I should ask someone to call him, to let him know. Maybe it will stay like that forever.
A young nurse walks passed the door. She doesn’t stop to look in to see how we are though. She’s pushing a trolley of food and drinks into another ward and the smell of coffee wafts in. It’s not the best smelling coffee in the world, but at that moment, at this time, it smells wonderful. I bet nothing would taste better than a cup of it right now. There’s none for us though, it’s not worth it I guess, and it’s not worth wasting anything on us. I figure it can’t be long now, god I hope I don’t have long to wait.
My mouth feels dry. The oppressive heat in the hospital doesn’t help and I slowly lick my lips with my parched tongue. It’s hard to swallow, the lack of saliva makes me almost gag but it passes.
It’s been just me and him now for twenty minutes. It’s hard to believe it’s been only twenty minutes since the last lucky bugger went. We both watched him go. We knew something was going to happen when the doctor appeared and I was envious that his time had come. I wished I could have swapped places with him, to take that journey.
I breathe out, prolonging my outward breath until my lungs burn as I force the air from between my lips before taking a deep breath back in again. I try to recall happy times, maybe a holidays or a birthday, but there’s too much noise and the sounds of the hospital stop me from visualising, from seeing in my mind the places of my past.
I guess there can be no happy place for me. No sweet memories to rush the time onwards. Just the sound of the clock as it slices my life into little pieces, killing me one tick at a time. My unknown friend, my brother, groans to himself before falling silent again. I wonder who will be first, him or me. He isn’t that much older, not that our age really has any bearing on our outcome. He appears much fatter than I am though. He has no hair and an unshaven double chin, the large bags under his eyes show how tired he is, but like me he won’t sleep, not now, not this close.
I can hear a nurse shouting something to another about the lack of tooth brushes on a ward and it suddenly seems such a waste of time to worry about something so trite. Trivial things should not be allowed, life is too precious and I realise that time is too important to waste on such follies. I wonder if she would feel the same if she was in my shoes? I suppose not, I didn’t.
My feet have gone numb now and I wonder if I should tell a nurse. Mind you, I don’t suppose there is much point, I don’t suppose there much need, there isn’t really anything they can do now. I might as well leave them to their tooth brush problems and the more important patients. Not that they would really care about my feet, I’m just taking up valuable space here now, they don’t say that of course but I can tell, I’m nothing more than an unavoidable inconvenience.
I can’t see a window and I find myself wondering about the weather outside and what it might be like. I wonder what I’m missing out there and who is missing me. The saddest thing is that probably no one is missing me. I bet no one has even noticed I am not there. It’s upsetting to think that for all the people I have met. For all the people I have shared moments with, drank beer with, or kissed that no one has missed me. It’s down to just me and him now, my brother in arms.
I can see him looking at me now and I try to smile, but he looks away before he sees me. His eyes are almost closed now, I bet it’s him, I bet he goes first, the lucky sod. I bet it’s me that’s left here all alone, and there’s nothing worse than being the last. I will be alone in the drably decorated room, alone with the clinical smell of disinfectant, the flickering of the lights and the muttering of the nurses.
My legs are numb now but there is a slight pins and needles sensation still in my toes as I try to move them. I feel drained, tired beyond measure, my arms feel like lead weights at my side. No one should be left like this, it’s not human, it’s not right. I don’t deserve this, I had plans, I had things to do and places to go damn it.
 I feel myself nodding asleep but I try to fight it, my head drops to my chest and I pull it back again as I feel myself falling. But after a few seconds I drop again. It’s hard to keep them open any longer; maybe I’ll just take a short nap, it’s not like I’m going to miss anything of interest.
There is a light behind my eyes, and I can feel myself starting to fall before I’m suddenly in a garden. It is beautiful and lush here, bright vivid sunflowers stand in rows against the fence panel. It is a garden I have not seen for many years and I gasp as the memory comes flooding back to me; this is the garden of my youth. The sun shines down brightly onto my face. The smell of fresh grass cuttings fills the air as my long dead father mows the lawn into neat straight lines. He finally stops and empties the cuttings onto a pile in the corner, banging it against a stone to remove as much as he can. He pushed the mower into the shed and walks smiling over to me, his pipe issues smoke like a steam train and he looks happy.
He is about to say something to me when I sense a movement to my side and a hand rests gently on my shoulder. It’s time. It’s finally my time. I’m not going to be last…

“Time to go dear” my wife says as I open my eyes. “The Doctors says he’s done now. Sorry it took a while, they needed to take some blood and I met that nice lady from number 37. Oh did she tell me something, just you wait till I tell you….”
I smile and nod to her as I force myself up, the blood running back into my feet as I hobble from the waiting room and I smile at the unknown man, my friend through the all the waiting. At least I’m not last.

Monday 14 July 2014

WHISPERS



I smirked to myself as I dropped the body of my wife in the boot and slammed the lid down. They’d thought I was stupid, her and her brother, they thought they could do away with me, obviously they thought they could claim on my insurances. Well, I wouldn’t make it easy.
            It was only by chance a week ago now that I’d overheard her talking to her brother in the kitchen at all. I’d been on the toilet, and their voices had travelled up the pipes to me. She’d been tasked to keep me amused and happy for an hour or two and then bring me home, and it was then that he was going to jump out on me. I even heard them talking about getting in a professional cleaner afterwards so everything looked normal.
I didn’t let them know I’d heard them of course. I let them play their game, watching them as they sneaked around, talking in whispers when they thought I was close. It was then that I’d stopped taking my tablets for my Paranoid Schizophrenia. After all, its only paranoid if they’re not really out to get you.
            Jane had been easy enough. She’d spent the day with me, she’d bought me a new pair of trainers and a few books I’d wanted, she’d even taken me for dinner. I was really surprised how cold and callous she seemed, there wasn’t a hint in her eyes about the deed she had planned. No signs of remorse for what they were going to do. I snapped her neck when she opened the boot to put the shoes inside. Quick and easy, no one in the car park even saw me do it.
            I left her in the boot as I drove home, It was night by the time I got home and the house was in total darkness. He’d obviously switched them off so he could take me out in the dark, so I switched off the lights and coasted to the end of the street before I slipped out and into the house via the back door.
The kitchen knife was the first thing I found and I silently entered the back room. I could see his silhouette as he stood before the window looking out for me, and I held my breath as I sneaked up on him.
The first stab was the hardest, going in just under the lung and cutting up and with a gasp he staggered forward as I continued to strike home, two, three four times. As he sank to the floor, the lights came on around me and I turned around, bloody knife in my hands ready to defend myself against any and all attackers.
“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” a man wearing a party hat shouted, before a woman at the front screamed as she saw the body. I didn’t know what to do. I felt so stupid; I’d obviously got it so wrong.